You are not alone.

Caring for someone you love? We can help.

Most caregiving happens in silence. Somebody’s daughter is managing the medications, the appointments, the insurance calls, her own job and her own kids, and doing it while grieving someone who is still here. Ask her how she is doing and she will say fine.

Here is what hospice providers rarely say plainly: hospice is care for the family, not only the patient. The nurse comes to the house, on a schedule, and the same nurse keeps coming. An aide helps with bathing and the things that are hard to do alone. A social worker untangles the paperwork. A chaplain sits with whoever needs sitting with. When something goes wrong at 2 a.m., a nurse answers the phone, and someone can be at the door. When the caregiver is at the end of her rope, respite care gives her a few days to sleep.

And when it is over, the care doesn’t stop. At Ohio’s Hospice, families have thirteen months of grief support afterward, because the hardest part often comes later.

This is what hospice is supposed to be, and it is worth asking any provider whether theirs does it. You don’t have to do this alone. Here are five questions to ask before you choose.