Gratitude and grief in the same sentence doesn’t seem to make sense. The profound pain experienced when a loved one dies doesn’t seem to leave room for feeling gratitude. Suggestions by others that we “count our blessings” may be met with a sense of irritation and an inner declaration of, “You just don’t understand.” Being grateful may feel impossible and a betrayal of our loved one.

However, without realizing it, we incorporate gratitude as we recall life with our loved one. Special memories, ways they influenced and enriched our lives, and the legacy they left in their spheres of influence are treasured by those who loved them. Being grateful for them feels natural and comforting and is an important part of maintaining an enduring connection with them. 

Remembering is an essential part of healing. But the healing process can also be enhanced by purposely acknowledging gratitude for what is here in the present. Gratitude can help us live more fully in the life we now have before us without our loved one. 

Consider cultivating gratitude by keeping a journal in which you write down everyday things you are grateful for. It might include family, friends, health, a beautiful sunset, or flowers in the garden — all simple things we can easily take for granted. Be intentional in noticing the special and also everyday ways in which your life is enriched. Make gratitude a family affair by incorporating it into your holiday gatherings. Gratitude won’t erase the grief, but it will help you grow strong in your journey.