In the past, grievers who did not demonstrate what was considered to be the “right” amount or kind of emotion were thought to be in denial. Now, we recognize there are no set stages or predictable emotions for grief. We refer to grieving styles and acknowledge that everyone grieves differently. Researchers have identified two different styles of grieving: intuitive and instrumental. These styles fall on opposite ends of the grief spectrum. 

Intuitive grievers tend to express their grief primarily through their emotions. They find talking about their feelings provides some sense of relief, and they are more likely to seek out grief support groups and/or one-on-one counseling. Intuitive grievers also may be more prone to experiencing physical symptoms of exhaustion and anxiety as they grieve.

Instrumental grievers deal with grief through thinking. Grief work will be more focused on problem solving activities and finding ways to further a loved one’s legacy. Instrumental grievers may perceive loss to be a challenge to overcome through thinking and action. Their feelings are generally less intense, and there is usually a general reluctance to talk about them. 

People who exhibit qualities of both intuitive and instrumental grieving are referred to as blended grievers. A majority of people fall within the blended category but they still may have a predominant or preferred style, either intuitive or instrumental. 

The most important thing to remember is what may be comforting for one person may not be comforting for another. People have different grief coping styles that still
fall within the bounds of healthy grief.